944. - Brianna Capozzi

Episode summary: Brianna Capozzi is a photographer from New York. Her great new book, Womanizer, is out now on Rizzoli. We chat about tube-based foods, blanket DM responses, spicy tuna ice cream cones, the Greek frozen yogurt wars, Oreo cookies and how they pertain to breastfeeding, being able to play any sport, her mother’s love of TJ Maxx and the like, being in the market for an orthopedic shoe, Addison Rae’s core strength, New Jersey tanning salons, Dua Lipa in the blonde wig, how nobody can pose like Pamela, and how having a kid brought her family together.

com/briannalcapozzi com/donetodeath com/themjeans com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit fm/adchoices All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week. Jason, does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that.

We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How long gone? Rare Wednesday afternoon recording due to some travel schedules, them jeans. It's great to hear from you two days in a row. What's really good, bro? Oh, hey, buddy. I'm just over here back in California. Got in last night. Shout out to our friend Vic, the number one driver in the world. If you need a Lyft to the airport or from the airport, hit my DM.

Don't make jokes like that. Don't make jokes like that. L-I-F-T, not L-Y-F-T. Keep it a buck. I want to make sure. I wasn't making a joke. You're Lyft-pilled. You're Lyft-brained. I'm not Lyft-pilled. You're the one who uses that off-brand shit. You ain't ever going to catch me using Lyft. I use it for the bicycles when I'm traveling internationally. I mean, I guess I do too. I mean, yeah. What choice do you have? You little bitch. No, there was a time. No, you're right. You're right. There was a time when Lyft was better.

Boomerang era. Where you were Lyft. You were going Lyft heavy. Because Lyft was a better product for a little while. And now it's kind of evened up. What made the product better? Just quicker? More available? Cheaper? So glad you asked. So glad you asked, Chris. There's a time, you know, growth is great. Expansion is great. Sometimes you can grow and expand too soon. Uber grew too soon. This sounds like an ad read. Hold on. Calm down. Look, look, look. I learned a lot at Y Combinator this weekend, and I just wanted to pass some of these B2B tools on to you.

No, but when Uber was blowing up, every single person was, I mean, sorry, when Uber was blowing up, they were hiring drivers and the quality control of who they chose. really had to go down because they couldn't keep, you know, they couldn't hire them fast enough. So there was a time when I would take a Lyft over an Uber because number one, the Lyft was cheaper when they first came out because they had to compete. And then the people that were driving Lyft, yes, you had to have the little mustache, millennial, you know, embarrassing shit.

Usually the driver is a nicer, normal person. And Uber, sometimes you just get fucking scammer ass motherfuckers, drug dealers, criminals. A lot of Nissan Ultima types. I wonder if it gunned ahead if I'd rather be in an Ultima with a drug dealer than on a car with a mustache. I know. Look, I've faced that fork in the road many a time in my life. The mustache thing is crazy to think about, especially with all this millennial stuff going around. The Lyft mustache was a crazy... crazy move that i mean but it worked they went up they're like hey uber has a fucking it's like somebody's like i'm gonna make an uh a book delivery service to compete with amazon and they actually succeeded and are you know obviously they're not bigger but no totally is a billion billion billion dollar company and they're doing quite well and that's a hard thing to do because they needed to have other people driving you around that weren't scary i mean It was a smart angle to be like, hey, we're all bitches.

We're all liberal pussies. If something goes down, we're all going to die, of course, but I am not going to touch your thigh or ask you if I could come up to your house and whatever. Yeah, yeah, sure. I'm not going to ask for a bite of whatever you got back there. We're going to keep it professional. Yeah, actually, speaking of biting in the back, I saw Uber says they have a new feature where they will allow riders in Los Angeles and some other cities. They're rolling it out. to order snacks and drinks to be picked up before their trip begins so baby can have their bottle while they're in the car.

We're really a fat, disgusting nation. We really are a fat, disgusting nation. And I really, I mean, obviously I think this is a ridiculous thing, but I really, somebody like you who's very sensitive to smells, cars, and eating in cars and all that stuff, like how bummed would you be if you like, I gotta go pick this torta up in fucking, i gotta go to whittier and she wants me to pick up the fucking non-alcoholic michelada and i gotta get the fucking hopefully they're only offering packaged goods but if i got in after a chomps if a chomps had been eaten chomp yeah chomps is a packaged good that would be considered probably okay and that's just smelling like fucking k-pop demon hunters in that bitch It's so crazy that people eat those.

It looks like something for a dog. I know it's protein. I know it's easy, but it looks like it's food for a dog. And I can't. I don't know how you can argue that with me. You can say it tastes good. Do you like any tube foods? I mean, I guess Twinkies. Tell me about different tubes that you like putting in your mouth. If I had to put a tube in my mouth, it'd probably be a Twinkie. Twinkies are pretty good. You're not defeating the crack-ass crack-a-allegation. Or a Little Debbie, which is technically round.

You know what I mean? Flat bottom. You got all these fat boy snacks. I like it. What other tube foods? I mean, what, penne? Like, what else are we talking about here? I don't know what else there is. Yeah, the Cacio e Pepe at Ultra Paradiso is a nice little tube. No, no, I'm talking. Come on, you know that's not what we're talking about. Don't go to your little, don't go to your Ina Garten bag, all right? Let's fucking, let's keep it 100. We didn't set tube rules, bitch. We're setting tube rules right now.

We're setting two rules right now. There's a delicious Korean rice cake called tekboki. I actually don't like it, and I think it sits inside of my stomach forever, but that's a very popular tube. Of course, we also have candies, Twizzlers, ropes, things like that. Question, question, question. Bugle. What about it? Does it count or does not count? One end's closed. That's not a tube. Not a tube. Have you ever done a bugle bump? You mean filled a bugle up with cocaine and snorted it? Yeah. That's a cool idea. I mean, I feel like I would maybe do it with hummus or something a little more appropriate, but I guess I'm not totally opposed.

Okay, yeah. Okay, bugle a little whipped creme fraiche and some caviar on top. That'd be nice, right? You can pop those down like peacorn. God, the holiday season's just around the corner. How come no one's ever thought about this? Because this is like the very classic, like, you know, Nobu style, like I did the tuna ice cream cone kind of appetizer thing. Something to think about, y'all. I had that at the Ceviche Project in Los Angeles, a little tuna inside. He makes a little corn kind of tortilla, ice cream. There's a restaurant called the Ceviche Project.

We could just move on from that. I guess. Name ain't great. Name ain't great. Great product though. Great product. I believe that. I mean, Cho was at that pizza place last night in New York. The Japanese pizza place has studios in the name. Like it's a fucking, you know, Instagram ad brand for sweatpants, which I just can't. Yeah. We got, we got a meat lovers, margarita. And I can also, uh, I also make fonts and, um, I'm really working in the object space. I've got a lamp. Would you like me to cut a typeface for you here on site?

I can do that with your margarita just while you wait. Yeah, we are a Sarah free pizza restaurant just to let you know before you make a res. 12 inch for 30. I don't know, bro. That's a little more than Subway. You know what I'm saying? My pockets aren't that deep. My pockets aren't that deep. Okay, so you're back in LA. How does it feel? Because you were gone for a while. We know homebody TJ gets a little ornery if he doesn't get tucked into his own bed. I was coming up on two weeks out of home.

And speaking of out of home, I had a little question. It's not a bone to pick, but it's a bone to maybe touch. You posted a picture of the Hanover clothing company, some wheat pasting of some really great photos of the new kind of wide leg American denim jean. And I commented on the Instagram story that you posted. And I'm sure a lot of people replied to this Instagram story that you posted. saying, hey, great job, congrats, looks good, et cetera, et cetera. Actually, not a single person replied. Actually, I think two people replied maybe.

So I just want to- Wow, this shoots my whole theory in the foot. Okay, because you replied, quote unquote, OOH, which stands for- That's just for you. Wait, wait. Okay, okay. Shut up, Chris. And I thought that that was one of your blanket replies. I figured you were going through dozens and dozens of DM replies. And you had to hit him with the 00H out of home advertising. So that was just for me? That was just for you. That was a bespoke crafted response to them jeans, my friend and co-host.

That was 100% a bespoke response. I cut that response from, I chiseled it from stone, like my typefaces. No, it's funny because yesterday we posted the campaign. It's with Reed, Leonard Baby, the artist who came on the pod. He's wearing the jeans. But I posted the campaign yesterday. The only person I didn't know that responded to it just completely, this is so good. This is exactly how the internet works. What shoes is he wearing? Like knowing that we don't make shoes, knowing that I don't know you at all and your response to me is not, even if you hit him with the, oh, looks great.

What shoes are those? I might've given you a response. What shoes are those? Like a demand, like gun to head with no followers in common is just, that's crazy work, bro. That's crazy work. Yeah, I mean, nowadays, that's the norm, unfortunately. No, totally. I mean, I think it's funny, but I was just like, wow, this guy really thinks. I guess what's interesting about that is that people really think you're going to respond. That's how warped their brain is. Because the sort of impulse to do it makes sense to me. Because obviously, sometimes I want to know what shit is, too.

And sometimes I don't think about pleasantries that often. But to do it to someone you don't know at all. It feels crazy to me. And I remember I saw somebody that we know, they're posting a little thing on Instagram stories yesterday, similar to what we're talking about. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I know what you're talking about. Yes, yes. And it was funny because it was like, it was a long kind of comment on like, you know, people asking for favors and, you know, like when somebody does something for a living.

And you know, it's their job. And somebody is like, Hey, can you just like get that, do that favor for me? Like, Hey, like Brandon Wardell, friend of ours. He was like, wait, are you saying, do you get a plug at the nine orchard? And I was like, yes. And he's like, can I have it? And I'm like, no. And he's like, why are you, why are you gatekeeping fam? Why are you gatekeeping me? And it's the same kind of thing of like, what, what is it? There's nothing in it for me.

I'm going to call the owner of a hotel chain and say, Hey, there's this guy. who really wants to instead of paying money for the business that you run he wants to get it for free in exchange you know he'll post post a fart or at least a big discount at least it's a big discount and it was funny because i was reading the the thing that she wrote on instagram and i was like this i mean who would take the time to write this and like reprimand the blah blah blah and then i clicked the next slide and it was the person was asking help getting a car sponsorship I'm trying to figure out how to get a free house.

Can you help me get my mortgage paid? Do you know of any of the mortgage space that's offering trades? This reminds me of back in the day, an unnamed platform would message me all the time just asking to put them in touch with people. And I was like, dude, no. My whole job is that I know these people. I'm not going to put you in touch with them. Like, I don't give a fuck about what you're doing. That's not my problem. Like, it's not even beef. It's just like, why would you, what on planet Earth would make you think I'd be willing to do that?

I know why. Because people can't understand gatekeeping. But it's not even gatekeeping. It's common. It's just like if a friend asks me for something, I'll do whatever. I'll get you a job. I'll loan you $1,000. I'll fucking drive you to the airport. Well, maybe not drive you to the airport, but you know what I'm saying. I'll do stuff. But a person I don't know asking, it's crazy. The internet really has brought down the walls in a negative way, I would say. I mean, I was saying gatekeeping, and it's not a thing that you're doing, but I'm saying nowadays people will just say you are gatekeeping as a blanket statement because they can't understand why on earth you wouldn't want to give away free information that you've worked hard for.

to acquire on your own and you earned and you don't want to just give it away to somebody that you don't know, you know, and they could, they could be a nice normal person and everything works out. They could be a serial rapist. You have no idea. The craziest thing about it is the don't know part. That's the craziest thing to me is that like, just cause we follow each other on Instagram or excuse me, you follow me or whatever. That does not mean we know each other. TJ, me and the missus are going to Mexico City this week.

Could you send me an itinerary of your favorite spots, restaurants, drive? Yeah, that's for real. Hey, can you send me your Google map? It's like, bitch, no. First of all, I don't have a Google map. I'm not a nerd. Second of all, I don't know you. That's crazy. It's crazy. To quote our friend Chris Brown, I don't see why you're hating the outside of the gate. You can't get in. You can't even get in. You ain't got no key to the gate, bro. Keep the gates up. Mark Maron voice. Mark Maron voice.

Lock the gates. Lock the gates. Draw the bridge. Yeah, we were talking on the last episode, which was just yesterday, about Chris Brown. You know, he was clapping back. Recently, he was clapping back at Pitchfork. He included a Zara Larson dig. who then clapped back at Chris Brown. So it was a real kind of, it was a clap off. It was a human clapapede. And I think it's good business for all. I think whether or not this feud is organic or crafted just to get streams for both parties involved, that's great.

I think that they both exist in two similar, I mean, they both exist in two completely different worlds. bro chris chris brown chris brown if chris brown was able to do anything calculated and by plan he would we would know this is him pulling a white name out of the hat and zara larson's benefiting greatly from it yeah i agree those streams are going to go up and she is going to talk about chris brown being and chris brown's going to be like great keep my name in your mouth i have a new album right now brown album in stores now and you know i i firmly believe that zara larson makes k-pop demon hunter music for white children and and That's not worse than punching Rihanna in the face.

I was listening to Joe Budden talk about the Chris Brown stuff today, and they're like, fuck Pitch 4. Nobody gives a fuck about Pitch 4. What the fuck is that? Blah, blah, blah. Who owns Pitch 4? BuzzFeed? Doesn't BuzzFeed own Pitch 4? And then they go, somebody looks it up, and they barely can pronounce Conde Nast. It's really good. It's awesome. It's awesome. You can see them reading Wikipedia, being like, all right, they own Vogue, The New Yorker, GQ, a bunch of other shit. It's exactly what I want to hear from them.

It's like watching a kindergartner read a book for the first time, and you can see them beginning comprehension of vocabulary in real time. You know, Ice has got his finger up underneath the line he's reading on the screen. That actually reminds me of when we were in New York. Carolyn's parents came out and we were at dinner. ultra paradiso having a nice little little meal and he pulled out he was walking around you know tj style taking irreverent photos of you know ephemera around manhattan and there's a he took a picture of a sign it was like a little kind of wheat paste sticker thing on the back of a street light and it said wanted asian boy and it was like a mug shot and it was from um like a it was like kaisenet senat's like asian friend streamer person it was like a promotional thing for it and i had to explain what you know live streaming and twitch and kick and kaisenette is to carolyn's dad and i was so sick god i would i now that's something that's something i would pay to see i don't even know how to every word you say is more asinine you know what i mean it's just confusing him every did he do you think by the end of it he understood i mean he understood it up until the point when i was like in kaisenette made like $900 million in three years and retired.

And he's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Well, but then you explained he left to do his clothing brand. He was like, oh, of course. That makes more sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he's like, oh, well, you should have led with that. I mean, I'm familiar with his clothing. Of course. I've pre-ordered some pieces, quote unquote. I just want to reiterate, because obviously this episode is going to come out on Friday. Iceman is in stores now. Well, you don't know that. There could be some issues with the mastering or something.

If Drake delays this by one second, he's fucked. So it better come out at midnight Friday. But I'm staying up, bro, because I'm going to be West Coast in. So I'm going to be good to go. 9 m. Friday night. Oh, that's right. I mean, I guess I'll still be in Arizona, but whatever. Me and all the fucking ultramarathoners are going to go in the hotel room and crank this shit and have some fucking carbohydrates and electrolytes really get lit to this shit. Okay, you and all of these male outdoor runners going to lock yourself in a hotel room and crank it?

That's cool, man. That's what it's looking like right now. Like Slater-style crank it. Exactly, yeah, Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-T-R-E-R. Yeah, but the promotion's hitting hard now. We got LeBron losing, getting swept. He's going to catch one. That was tough. DJ Khaled coming out with the Zep body. He's going to catch one. It's not safe for anybody out there. You know what time it is, Jason. Yeah, I think DJ Khaled's Zep body, I think he's losing weight too fast. Would you agree? Sure. I mean, he waited long enough, so maybe he's just trying to kind of make up for lost time.

He's going to have to go to the place where they fix your skin, like when people are super obese and they lose a bunch of weight really fast. He's going to go in there. He's going to have to find whoever Weida best at removing skin from the body is. He's going to be like, this is my Mona Lisa. Like, I got to go to the real doctor. And they're going to like, this is going to be my life's work. My piece de resistance is removing the skin from DJ Khaled. Well, luckily for him, he lives in Miami.

That's ground zero for all of us. Yeah, there's a guy on every corner who's going to do this for him. And some ladies. Oh, definitely some ladies. Yeah, definitely some ladies. Because he's got to be on the jet ski this summer, out and proud. Yeah, and that skin flap is going to kind of weigh him down on the top speed. Well, he probably has a four-seater. You know what I mean? If you're just one person on the four-seater, it goes quite fast, just in my experience. It's been a while. You know a lot about nautical torque, don't you, Chris?

Look, I've ridden a lot of jet skis in my life. That's not a joke. Mostly on lakes. I haven't really experienced much ocean water. It feels a little more dangerous. Let's keep it that way. It feels a little more dangerous. It's much more dangerous. I would never. I would never. All right, we have a guest today. Only in a lagoon. We have a guest today. She's late. Maybe she's joining from the lagoon. Brianna Capozzi is a photographer. uh who is from new york her new book uh womanizer is out now and she has a show at rectangle room opening in new york uh tomorrow thursday the 14th so it'll be open all weekend i'm sure um and uh i don't know that's it we're gonna chop it up with her ass let's go yeah the book is good a lot of photos of chloe sav so i'm like a nice photo of her wearing nothing but a new yorker hat swing

Well, the famous lobster over the crotch photo, which Brianna says that her dad ate that for lunch, which to my response to that is I bet he did. I bet he did. Ripped from the lyric page of a Chris Brown album. Oh, God, not breezy. All right, let's give her a call. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy, but still put together.

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Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world. writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative, but also business minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that. Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school.

And I just want a place where I could, you know. have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept quote unquote donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early, and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more.

Head to com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. bc in the building bc in the fucking building thank you for blessing us oh my gosh i'm so sorry i no one told me nobody told don't worry i'll be i'll be scolding madison don't worry it'll be my pleasure but i was already on my way she told me like 30 minutes ago and i'm like no i don't have headphones where do where do you where do you what part of new jersey do you live in I don't.

I live in Ridgewood, New York, Queens. Yeah, Ridgewood, I'm familiar. You're a mother recently. Doesn't that make you too old to live in Ridgewood? No, no. I'm on the cost of Bushwick. If I was in Bushwick, I'd be too old. Oh, wow. I see. But I'm on one block, which lets me be this age. oh i understand you get to dip your toe in as a mother exactly you're like hey i still do ketamine sometimes you guys in five years in five years i have to then go to glendale then in 10 years you have you know i have to keep going further the older i get yeah you said glendale yeah in new york or california no queens okay okay yeah i live in a town called glendale in la i was getting my hopes up sorry

Where do you both live? You live in Glendale. I live in Manhattan. I live in a neighborhood we're calling Chibeca. It's in between Chinatown and Tribeca. It's a hybrid neighborhood. Okay, I haven't heard about that. I've been here for 20 years. I still am confused about where Tribeca starts, ends, and is. Well, I am as well, and that's why we've made up this name. Jason made it up, I believe. I don't want to take credit. It was Hannah, actually. It was our friend Hannah made it up. We're trying to, you know, because rebranding a neighborhood is something people get paid a lot of money for, but here at How Long Gone, we like to give back.

You know, it's something that we've... Pay it forward. You know when you're in Tribeca, when you look around and all the businesses are closed and no one's walking on the sidewalk, even though you feel safe? It feels haunted and empty. It feels more dangerous than the worst neighborhood in Manhattan somehow. There's some great restaurants down here now. There's Nobu. There's Mr. Chow. There's all kinds of- Chow's closed. No, it didn't. That was a lie. Oh, period. We could have been at Nobu right now doing this. I completely agree. I think, you know, I've never eaten lunch.

Actually, I have once. I've never eaten lunch at Nobu. Only one time. Brianna, what's your favorite Nobu of all time in the world? I've only been to the Malibu one. Okay. bitch go off all right damn all right shit who orders more Bella or Gigi I wouldn't know it's for the table um okay the Malibu no we're sharing all of it I swear the Malibu location is special I can't I think that's if you're gonna go to one that's probably the one to go to we were just talking about spicy tuna ice cream comms in the intro so what a mitzvah that here we are what the spicy tuna ice cream comm The cone is spicy tuna or the ice cream on top?

Great question. Places like a Nobu, they'll do like little tacos or ice cream cones or little things like their version of like a spicy tuna, crispy rice thing. I think Nobu does the taco where they just make a little taco, put the spicy on there and some little crunchy nibblers. Oh, I thought you actually, okay. I thought you meant like it was a new type of ice cream because there's ice cream in every flavor. You can get any flavor ice cream in New York right now. Have you thought about making breast milk ice cream, a little collab, Morgensterns?

Well, we're going to have to if my bones don't arrive soon. We're going to do something. It's coming out one way or another. If my bones doesn't show up, I'm running to Morgenstern. Is it Morgenstern? You're like, all right, give me a cup, something, anything. What do you got back there? What do you got back there? This is a kitchen, right? You got vats. We're going to do a vanilla base or a chalk? How do you want to do it? It's funny that you say this because a big dream of mine has always been to start a Froyo company.

Of course now, it's the Froyo boom. It's the Fro-naissance. But also, we're in the third or fourth wave of Fro-naissance. Sorry for interrupting. Carry on. i know we are we are but we're in the wave i wanted to be a part of and i was too busy doing other stuff and i missed it but i know i could have done it better and i'm bummed oh like i was okay so what is your because i haven't been to these new jack i can't say i can't say oh you want to know my favorite one yeah yeah yeah oh oh okay i can plug a few uh cultured but i don't want to because now there's a line around the block there's a line no matter what you say now i'm the problem Okay.

Well, okay. So you, you, you, you were looking at this wave coming in. You said, this is my wave. I'm all ready to go. I got my stick. No, I've been before the wave. I've been wanting to do it for so long, but I just never got to it. But you, you've been busy with your work, your book, childbirth, et cetera, et cetera. You can't stop everything. You know, I love you, but I've chosen Froyo. You can't do that. So did you have like a little bit, like, could you, I don't, I don't want you to give me all your trade secrets.

I mean, I have toppings. I've had toppings that they're not giving. So you're saying you have Brianna toppings that are from your brain that you have not seen at any other fro-yo place. They're not so revolutionary. I'm very concerned why no one's come up with them. It's pretty... I see. I understand. It's just like they're just not there. Okay. They're hiding in plain sight, and you're not inventing the wheel. You're just... You're looking at it with fresh eyes. Yeah, just curatorial. It's curatorial. Can you tell us one of these ingredients hiding in place side?

Yeah, like bee pollen maybe. I love bee pollen on my throat. Well, your confidence really went from an 11 down to like a 4 when you said the first one. I really like bee pollen. I'm telling you, the wave is already here. So in order for me to come up with one that they don't have. You got to get esoteric. You have to get a little experimental. They have chia seeds now, but I'm happy they do. Some of them, not all of them. Some of them don't have them, and I'm confused.

Why not? Okay. Well, let me ask you this. I know you have an Italian heritage, so do you have any culinary skills that have been handed down? Do you have any foothold in this? Do you have any reason that you think you'd be good at this? Yeah, why don't we do Italian yogurt instead of this Greek yogurt bullshit? Just stuff a couple of those tricolores on there? Oh, baby. Bravissimo. What do you think? So what qualifies you, just your love for yogurt? I mean, honestly, I'm so from an Italian-American family, Jersey Italian, but I don't even like tiramisu, and I don't really like the panna cotta game in New York City, also slow.

Nowhere has a good panna cotta, and maybe one doesn't exist. Have you had a good one in Italy? No, because I'm not ordering that. And I don't like gelato. Damn. So you hate your people. That's fine. That's crazy. Because I feel like I see you wearing several Italian-style chains around your neck. I won't bother asking you about Asian ice cream flavors then. That's not even. No, I like them. Oh, you love the durian banana. I'm sure you do. I'm sure you do. Oh, yeah. I like a matcha toro. Matcha. Honestly, Italians liking matcha feels disrespectful to your heritage.

That actually feels crazy. Have you had a matcha tiramisu? An abortion, if you ask me. I think I might like it. Do you not like tiramisu because you choke on the powder? That's my issue. Every time I take a little powder up and not the good way. It goes down the wrong hole. You know what I mean? Oh, I hate that. It's like when you do the cinnamon challenge. Exactly. It goes down the wrong hole. I'm coughing. I'm sneezing. It doesn't work for me. I know that. I know that. Okay, well, I haven't tried Mimi's.

That's the one closest to me that's very popping. Wow. You're saying no bueno. No, she's saying don't talk about Mimi's. No, no, I'm not a fan. Jason, this shit is blowing up, bro. It's like where the West Village girls go. And let them be there. Let them be there because we don't need the lines at the really good Froyo spots to be that long. It's insane. What if I told you the really good Froyo spot is simply Pinkberry? Oh, my God, for sure. Okay, you agree. I just want to make sure you're on the right side of history.

Top level of the lowbrow. Oh. I only want lowbrow. I don't like fussy desserts. I know. I have friends like that. Does highbrow fro-yo exist? Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Cultured. Mimi is not even on the chart for me, but then I like Go Greek. They just opened. Go Greek. My friends are going to laugh so hard that this is about fro-yo. That sounds like a Greek tourism company, but what is the... Yeah, that sounds like a Greek yogurt Go-Gurt protein squirt that I do on my half marathon. Go-Greek sounds like what you do after you had a little too many natural wines in Athens.

You don't remember his name. What is the... Okay, what is the... I've never had an uncircumcised. I wanted to try Susumi. What is the... What is the, Brianna, what is your order at one of these places and how much does it cost? Because I'm unclear also on the pricing structure. Oh my God, it costs so much. That's what I thought. It costs so much. You do a lot of add-ons, don't you? And the add-ons are from the premium tier, aren't they, Brianna? I'll tell you my order from the other day, which was a little, I went off a little off course from my normal, but.

I got, which I never get. I got a little, because I was at Go Greek, so the quality's good. I got a little bit of strawberry, a very tiny bit. And this is how I do it at Pinkberry, too. I say, no, no, no, just a little bit. A pinch. A pinch of strawberry, and then I got tart, which is always the majority for me. Okay, you were talking about strawberry-flavored Froyo, not strawberry as a topping, just to be clear. Yeah, strawberry-flavored Froyo. Then I got a lot of tart, and then I got...

A tiny bit, Echo Greek, they have a honey that is like tart, but it's just a little bit of something. And I got a little bit of that. And then I put on top, I put strawberries, some almonds, a little bit of mochi, some blueberries. I like fruit. I like walnuts. This is sounding too breakfast to me. There's nothing bad boy in here. You need to have... I got to say, your topping selection feels unfocused. Okay. No, okay. My bad boy... I rarely go there, but sometimes I put some Oreos.

Oreos? Okay, now we're talking. Oreos are good for breast milk. I have learned on the forums. Bro, y'all say anything. You'll believe anything you read on Reddit. Get out of that shit. What does that mean, it's good for breast milk? The moms are eating Oreos. Yeah, what do you mean? What do you mean? Make the breast milk better? What is it supposed to do? The moms are eating a lot of Oreos and drinking a lot of coconut water. And oatmeal. They're eating a lot of oatmeal. This sounds like when they told us that women, you know, you're supposed to eat pineapple because it makes, you know what I'm saying?

It's like when I, because I eat all this pineapple, so my nut tastes yummy. Yeah, this sounds like a Rick Ross song. So now your baby's like, I love TD milk because it tastes like Oreo. And with a little bit of a coconut under note, which I'm really appreciating right now. Yeah, tell me what it's supposed to do. We're confused. We're confused. It's just, there's sometimes there's a supply issue. And we get your supplier. Oh, okay. Sure. Okay. So nothing gets the female reproductive system going more than the Oreo cookie.

Oreo. Through decades of mankind. Since Adam and Eve first hit the scene. It's Valentine's Day. You're at the hotel in Jamaica. You get back to the room. There's just Oreos spread out all over the bed. We're producing tonight, baby. We're going rounds. I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about ounces. I'm trying to get 32 tonight, baby. Have you picked up other strange habits that you want to share with us? What other weird shit are you doing? How's your hair? You can't tell right now, but I have great hair. That's good.

I have very long, thick hair, but the baby's pulling it. It's up now. Now it's up every day. I gave up everything for him. What's his name? Say his name. Lucho Marie. Lucho Marie. Oh, my God. That's a problem. That's a problem. I know your book is called Womanizer. I didn't know you created one as well by giving him that name. Oh, Lucho. He's dating Keith McNally's daughter. I just read right now on Twitter. All right. You got to look. Now, some might say it's child abuse to raise a son in Ridgewood.

So you guys have to move before he knows where he is. Back to Jersey. Mama, where am I, mama? What is this place? Now, how much Italian do you speak? Are you fluent? No, zero. I know how to say, can I get a pass to the bathroom? None? Okay, so you speak Jersey Italian. Yeah, I got a few Jersey Italians. What are the main characteristics of Jersey Italians? What would the top three think? How could I pick one out of a lineup? Other than racism. Yeah, of course. If I'm looking at a lineup of Italians, besides wearing fake designer, what's going to give away?

the jersey italian oh maybe they're tan they're tan okay so you guys are you guys you guys are perma tan we're there i'm in high school i was so tan i actually you're hitting the bed i was just in jersey over the weekend and i saw a girl and she had her long bleach blonde hair and i was i was down the shore and i was like i know this look She just left the tanning salon, but she was walking through a parking lot that I'd never been to. And I was like, I know exactly how this girl looks.

I remember this feeling. And of course, I walked 30 more steps and I was like, boom, tanning salon right there. I knew she was coming from a tanning salon. You could see the tanning waves coming off of her body still, like the smelly guy on the peanuts. What was the routine then? Not to say gym tan laundry, but what was your... beauty what was the look in high school then if tan was the kind of oh my god if i showed you photos of me in high school like i'd show them to my friend like i'll be out sometimes and i'll show them to someone i met or someone i work with who only knows me like they cannot believe i'm bleach blonde okay i am so so so tan i'm like a tomato okay delicious jersey tomato and i have on gigantic

beaded necklaces and were you a rate were you a jersey raver no no i was like mary kate and ashley oh i see okay mixed with paris mixed with paris hilton and nicole that's a nice that's a nice combo back then okay god's plan really i guess we can we can really gather what you look like exactly you painted a good picture but we can finish it if you tell us what type of guy you were trying to have sex with at this age yeah yeah you don't have to include race but you should I was dating the quarterback of the football team of the town next to me.

Go off, bitch. Damn, you said he goes to another school, but he's the quarterback. So they said, all right. Anyway, he was from the cool town. We were a bit more like straight-laced at my town. Is he in the NFL or is he addicted to Oxy? He's married to his best friend that we had then, his best girlfriend. She waited around under the basket for the rebound. Damn. She was like, she was Hakeem Olajuwon just standing there waiting. Oh, wow. She's very, I liked her a lot then and she's, they're cool.

Great. That's great. What a great story. I like that. Okay. So you, I didn't, but I assume you've moved on from athletes. That doesn't really seem like your bag. Yeah, no. I mean, I'm an athlete actually. I literally hold the soccer ball at my kid's feet. Like he's three months old and he actually rolls it back. Me and my family can't believe it. We think he's like. I don't think he's the next soccer star, but he rolls the ball back over and over. It's incredible. All right. We're going messy mode in the crib.

You're a soccer player. You, by trade, are a soccer player. I played soccer, basketball, and softball growing up, but I can really play any sport. And tennis now. Now I play tennis. Okay. You can really play any sport. Which one would you say was your best? Soccer. Soccer. What position? I was midfield. Okay. I don't like that position anymore. Too much running. Okay. Sure. Sure. So you were an athlete slash like hot chick in high school was the vibe you were going for. Sure. Yeah. I mean, I'm like in my head, I'm like, should I be modest or should I be honest?

We're going to suck it out of you either way. Okay, who were you listening to back then? Was it Blink-182 or was it the Fugees? No, I was listening. I remember I was obsessed with Lit, my almost enemy. I mean, Brittany, Brittany. Of course. Who else? The Shins. The Shins, the White Stripes. My screen name was the White Shins. That sounds like a cool soccer joke as well. Man, I got to say, Lit, Britney Spears. And the shins is a twisted trio. And it's very similar to the topping story for your froyo.

Don't make a lick of sense. Yeah, you're giving us a real understanding of that inner psyche, I will say. How many times have you done lit karaoke? That's not my go-to karaoke. What is? This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian. Stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions.

A lot of questions, but how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire-owned They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside.

But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone. It was brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking something put together?

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So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code. How long with the task rabbit app or at task com. Which Britney song are you doing every time? Do you have a, have the range for it or no? Oh, maybe lucky. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I sing lucky to my kid even. Okay. This is okay. Wow. This is so. I'm, you seem, I'm, I'm, how did you get into this career then? Because none of this is really adding up to me personally. It does though. It really, really does somehow.

I'm not able to explain how, but it does. So I always, I was okay. So I was a big, I was a big tomboy and. I was obsessed with clothes. Even then, like even if I needed the best boys, Janko G it's like I had to have, I was always were wondering what I was going to wear to school. And was your mom into clothes too? Oh my God. My mom is, she just sent me, I just posted on my Instagram. She just sent me and my sister, a giant pair of platform shoes to see if she's coming tomorrow to wear them.

And we're like, you're like 71. Like, are you going to fall? they're like six inches high but is she into is she into like designer or is she just into clothes no she's not she loves it no she wants a discount she wants she's finding the budget item and she's finding the most fabulous item and she doesn't go anywhere without her makeup on okay old school well your mom i mean i've seen pictures she is bad yeah she looks amazing she looks incredible 70. Okay. So 71. I think so. Hopefully.

Is she life of the party vibes? Is that kind of what she's bringing to the table? Um, she is so much fun and like hysterical and loves to be passionate about like, like she'll come to stay at our house now. And like, she just like want to get into, I don't even know. She just is. Okay. For example, my last book sign, she made this giant cake. that she went and she found these tiny little dolls at some store they're they're like doll i don't they're like brass dolls vibe and she put them and she designed this entire cake that had me and my sister's face on it i'm making this other thing and i don't know but everyone's still talking about this cake so she's like that type of she's like sending sending me the toy the dolls for weeks being like i'm gonna do something with these i'm gonna do something with them i don't know what i'm gonna do and then she okay is this like because she wants to exercise her artistic side?

Or does she want to make, you know, the book signing about her a little bit? Is she trying to steal a little spotlight? No, no, she just did. No, no, not at all. She's like, not like she's would do anything for me and my sister. She's obsessed with us, really. I would love to see her strategy at the outlet mall. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's where she thrives. More at like secondhand shop. Oh, okay. Okay. All right. She's a picker. Yeah, for sure. For sure. I don't think my mom has ever been into any sort of secondhand shop.

And not because she's bougie. I think her idea of that is Marshalls or a TJ Maxx. Oh, my mom also loves to go there. Yeah, that makes sense. She's definitely a TJ Maxx girl. Do you search? Are you a digger like that yourself? I don't really have that gene the same way. I like to go... Now I'm more into going to like... a vintage shop not that's like curated with like all designer stuff but with like eclectic items i like my favorite thing to find is an eclectic item that you wouldn't find anywhere but isn't necessarily a designer but it's like still really yeah okay you want to have the one thing that nobody else in the world has and then also i really you can put it in a photo shoot and it's a write-off i was just at my girlfriend's house and it's like i kept like looking trying things on i'm trying things on because i have this whole you know these new boobs that i'm dealing with but um because you because you had a child not because you had plastic surgery just to be clear yeah but don't worry i might have to later okay we'll monitor the space yeah exactly exactly keep track keep track um and i'm trying all these things i'm like where did you get this and she's like prada and i'm like oh and then i'm like where did you get this she's like maybe in westwood store i'm like okay i've never shopped in a store like that in my life like I'm thinking about these companies, these coveted items.

I went to the store where they sell them at. What the fuck are you talking about? So there's a Prada store in Soho, and if you go in there, they will let you buy stuff if you have a credit. You give them money, they put the clothes in a bag, you walk out. I almost had to do this interview in the car in front of that Prada store. Do you want it now? But when something special like this, your book is out, you're having an opening tonight, do you buy yourself a little gift?

Do you give yourself a little present? um no honestly i went to my friends and i got a fabulous outfit the friend who shops at prada and i'm so excited because i was feeling really not the best but and then i've been like buying orthopedic shoes for the past three days because I can't have a foot problem from all the soccer playing. So your dogs are barking permanently. That's where I'm going to have the surgery first and I might have them double up and do the boobs while I'm doing the foot.

Great idea. That's a rare crossover. That is a very rare crossover. I like that. You're going to be in a fucking wheelchair for six months. Do you want lip filler or anything? No, no, no. Just my feet. Just my feet. So you've been buying orthopedic shoes. Are we talking about shoes that you need a prescription for? We have a wider toe box style. We're talking about Dr. Scholl's sandals. You got a Mephisto? I went on the deep, dark depths of orthopedic flats, orthopedic sandals. I can't be in these sneakers all summer long.

That's not my vibe. I'm like my mom in the six-inch platforms. You need a tabby insole with good arch support? I might have Norton's maroma or something. What is that? I don't know. that sounds like a fucking that sounds either like a band or Another band I was listening to in high school. Well, it sounds like Tommy John's. You know where they named the surgery after the person who had the problem? Yeah, Norton had this. Okay, I found it. It's a painful condition that affects the ball of your foot, commonly the area between the third and fourth toes.

It features burning pain, numbness, and tingling. Exactly. As if you're walking on stone. So what is your day-to-day footwear now? Listen, if there's a doctor listening who wants to cure my Norton's. But what if there's just a guy listening? who wants to rub those dogs down after a long, hard day. Yeah, yeah, I was about to say. He'll pay you. He'll pay you. If he pays me enough to get the surgery, I'm down. Yeah, that's a good trade. What is your daily pain level, 1 to 10? It's not good. I can only wear sneakers.

It's really bad. So you're saying like tonight you want to put on a pair of heels and you like just can't. yeah well tomorrow it's tomorrow and i will be wearing i will be wearing heels or maybe it's tonight depending when this comes out well this comes out friday so it'll be after but regarding so yesterday male photographers don't have to deal with these problems of wearing an uncomfortable shoe to the opening am i right yeah that's true that's true well These guys roll up and they're fucking blunt. They don't look as good.

They're blunt stones or they're fucking hokas. But also, they're not allowed to take photos anymore, so it's a good trade-off. Exactly, exactly. Well, what is your shoot look then? You got a fishing vest on? How tech are we going? How technical are we going? When I'm shooting, you said? Yeah, how crazy are we going? I know you have several assistants and a lighting director and a digitech, but you know what I mean. Your set bag. Yeah, what is the look? I'm on set in... whatever I found in my closet that morning sweatpants baggy jeans okay you don't you don't cut okay you dress I was just on a big shoot in Toronto and I had to pump the entire time and so when I pump it's like adding like four inches to my boobs and I was on set being like there are people on this shoot that do not know that I'm pumping and like They just think...

So they're like, she wanted me to tether, but I didn't know it meant this. So you were tethered in three places. You had to tell the client... On camera, left titty, right titty. All tethered. You had to tell the client to keep their eyes on the monitor. Oh my gosh. I was, like, really thinking that, like, maybe this was going to be a PG version of the podcast. My whole podcast is about boobs. No, this is actually interesting, though. All right, so you're saying you're on a shoot. You obviously have to take these breaks.

I would assume that if the— Every three hours. Have you found, though, since this has happened, that often you're working with women, so they obviously understand what's going on. They're happy to take a little break. Yeah, of course. I work with really great people, so even the men are actually gentlemen, shockingly. I hate to hear that. They're letting us down again. Letting me down again. No, everyone's been great about it. Actually, you start to realize, damn, so many people have kids, actually, in this industry. How soon did you start shooting?

uh well i'm only three months and i did my first job like maybe three weeks ago oh yeah that's pretty soon yeah and i i went to toronto so oh wow it was like my first job back was a travel job it's so cool that you shot the drake album cover it comes out tonight midnight that's great really was that the first time traveling internationally without your child yeah without i went it was very quick and no shade no judgment i feel like i i feel i feel like you were kind of putting me on the spot that i love my kid i was leading you to the point where you know how did that feel was that how difficult was that getting on a plane crossing international borders even though it's just toronto it was like so not no it was so far everyone's like oh my god how are you and i'm like i'm okay listen by the end of it i was like ready to get back to him but i don't know people are like oh my god you left him i'm like

Yeah, I was shopping. I was out. You were at the Four Seasons Yorkville in the bathtub being like, he's fine. Little motherfucker's fine. Yeah, bath every night. It's not like you locked the kid in the Tesla in dog mode and went out for three days. It's obviously with an adult who's taking care of this child maybe better than you would be, but you get to have... A beautiful night to yourself. Hotel. Put the robe on. Put the office on. Have a little edible. It was very nice. As long as it doesn't affect the titty milk.

You deserve it. You earned it. You deserve it. This is your third book or have you done more than that? Yeah, this is my third book. Okay. And how long did this take? I shot a little bit of new stuff for maybe a year and a half. Maybe a year. But I'm saying you shot the new stuff because you felt like there were holes that you wanted to plug in. Well, so the work is from like 2012 to now, but I was just excited. Like it was exciting to kind of hone in on this type of woman that is in the book and then make shoots that were just dedicated to that style and like vibe of a person.

Also, I thought it was really exciting. I only shot people besides one. I only shot people I hadn't shot before. So it was exciting to like Addison or I shot Jessica Miller. It was like exciting to reach out to people for just the book and also have the opportunity to not like do an entire 12 page story and just have to make one or two photos that are good. Because normally I have to make, you know, 12. to 20 pictures and it's it's a lot that is it is a lot with this oh the way talent's acting these days as an athlete yourself how can you let us know how addison's core strength is in person oh my gosh unbelievable i don't know you i mean i think you guys looked at the book but there's one picture she's like upside down on the um the pummel horse yeah the pummel horse and she is unbelievably strong i was looking at that she looked she was in like a break dancing position but looked very comfortable and happy did you bring a movement coach to the shoot or did addison do that all on her own no we were like we showed up to my friend's uh studio who is the set designer it was super low-key it was the day after we had done another shoot

for mark jacobs and i was like should we shoot tomorrow and she just came through it was very very cool that is cool he's awesome we we love addison here on how long gone yeah we went to the show we went to the show i saw all the movements oh i know i was gonna go to the show but i was very pregnant we're both racists yeah yeah we're both technically racists when it comes to addison okay i was wondering um in the in the intro of your book you mentioned the the perfect photo suspends the tension between glamour naivete and a little bit of sleaze What is the correct amount of sleaze for a photographer to use in 2026?

It's different for men and women, let's be honest. Yeah, and I think my sleaze is not so on the nose in any sense. I think it really comes, bringing back how I ended up here, I think it comes from Jersey. Being from there and being East Coast, it's a grittier place. Thicker skin. from the tanning booth mostly but yeah exactly but i mean i feel like there's always a nod to that jersey girl in these pictures even but i feel like um what you're talking about before the girl super tan with the blonde hair you know that jersey girl when that that photo of uh of dua lipa with the blonde you know the bleach blonde hair like you yeah yeah i feel like how long gone podcast host really started paying attention to your work when you decided to make Dua Lipa Blanche so we just wanted to say thank you for that it's funny a lot of people a lot of people don't even recognize her in that photo they go oh my god that's Dua Lipa but I had to check the credits it isn't easy to get a wig right that's a big part of period no seriously who does your wigs shout them out Well, right now I've been working with Lucas Wilson a lot.

He didn't do that shoot, but... Okay. Lucas Wilson? Yeah. I used to work with Aki along... Who else? A lot of creators in the wig space. Yeah. I mean, there's people who are great at them and that's who you need to get. But when we had that wig, I was like, I didn't know if it was going to work. You know, it's like hard. You commit to it. It takes so long to put it on and then... So you're saying the chance is always that Dua Lipa is like, I ain't doing this.

It's on and it's... Or that you do it. Oh, I see. Either that she doesn't want to do it or you do it and you're like, oh God, it's not right. And then, you know, you don't want to be sitting with Dua Lipa or anybody at that level and be like... It's not good. We're going to take it all. They're going to be like, hell no. I've been sitting here. I know you've been here in the chair since 4, but you look bad with this wig on. It's not because of you, because you're one of the hottest people alive.

My instincts are bad. I made a bad choice. We'll break for lunch. What do you want from Cava? It's going to be four hours. Just let me know. You've got to make it work. You get the scissors out. You get the brush. It's amazing. It's so amazing. We're loving it. As you're wiping the tears from their face? Behind the V-flat, I'm like, Emma, Emma, we need to take this wig off. But I love how that whole story turned out of Dua Lipa. She looks so good. The wig turned her into such a character.

I loved it. I do feel like a wig can change someone's personality. uh more more quickly than clothes or like makeup can kind of definitely like it makes anderson park look awful exactly yeah yeah that's a great yeah okay so you you will have models or talent posing as other famous people like britney spears or elvis presley for example has there somebody like is there another person like an elvis um or a britney that you want to have somebody portray in a shoot but that model or that person who's right for the job hasn't come around yet?

That's a good question. I wish you gave me an advance. Like, how am I supposed to know the answer to that right now? I just thought of it on the way here. I mean, well, I guess when you're shooting somebody as Elvis or as Britney Spears, is that something that you just think of that day of or the week of, or is that something where you're like... I really want to dress somebody as somebody. Hailey Wolins came up with the Britney Spears reference and that's our friend Autumn and we love that reference.

I wish we shot more of it because we, you know, we should have really, do you know the reference? Britney Spears is like, she like tattooed herself with white like patterning all over. I don't know that. What is that from? Is it from an editorial? I think that she just posted it on Instagram maybe. You don't have to ask Hailey. She's the one that found her. Even better. It was just like, you know, Burton's always coming up with something. That's who I want to shoot if she's around. Yeah. Well, you better hurry because she's going to die.

So you got to kind of, you got to, you got to hurry. No. It's not looking great. I'm not happy to report that. You could be like a courtroom photographer, but get some. Exactly. How are you at sketching? Maybe you could just be in the courtroom. We love her. No, of course we love Brittany. We want nothing but the best for her, but unfortunately things aren't moving in the right direction. It feels like just in general. Have you ever tried to make a model look less good or sexy if the shoot requires such?

I definitely like to. I wouldn't say in my mind it's less good or less sexy. Definitely not less good. No, just like the idea that I want for this person, like you look too hot for what I'm trying to achieve right now. Definitely, definitely. There's definitely people who I'm like, you're too sexy. Like we need, this isn't about that right now. And you know, a really good model. a really good model is i have that problem all the time like i don't know how i'm supposed to just tone it down when the camera comes on i know i know i was saying i guess i'll do the impossible and try to look bad for an effort yeah like i guess this is why i get paid the big bucks bring out the fucking duct tape i'll get to it no being too hot is for sure a thing yeah well i guess you can take somebody who's really hot and then just have them in a position that's maybe less traditionally Yeah, but some people don't want to be less hot.

That does happen. Okay, name names. Yeah, you're telling me J-Lo's not trying to have fun with it? Yeah, I'm not. J-Lo wants to be hot. J-Lo, it's hard to make not hot. But like Pamela Anderson, you have the photo of her at the Grand Cayman Islands sex marble Ottoman shower thing. That's a great picture. She's a beautiful, voluptuous woman, but she's laying flat. you know flat as a board on there and i think that kind of juxtaposition yeah that's true that's like a bit different than i mean the opposite of doggy style making her less hot is really really an impossible task i mean pamela anderson's aging story is one of the best we've ever seen in hollywood she's just so pretty it's unbelievable too like in real life you're just like i know exactly why you're a star yeah i agree i agree i just think that the whole the whole like no makeup thing actually really it like that only works for some people and that works for her no she looks so good and i don't know if you read the back but i talked about how literally like every part of her body was like her finger everything i was like oh my god you were your toe is perfectly posed your foot everything.

She was really, really flawless diva. She knows how to move her legs. So the muscles look good on the thigh. She's been doing it a long time. I mean, a long time, but I feel like you're, I feel like at least most of the stuff we see you're dealing with people that sort of know what they're doing or they think they know what they're doing. Yeah, no, they do. And you know, some people want more direction than others. I mean, I of course like when they want to, I like, I'm trying to get everyone into a good pose.

I'm, I'm very into. getting into the pose myself. It was hard during pregnancy. They were like, do it. I was like, I can't do anything. I understand. You said, just hold on. I'll show you. And they're like, wait, I can't show you. Haley would be like, how should we do it? And I was like, I don't know. Figure it out because I can't move. She's like, hold on. I thought you were the boss. Somebody always tells me what to do. This isn't going to work. I guess that's interesting. So you typically, when you are not eight months pregnant and not able to contort your body in every position, normally you just get on.

Oh, for sure. And you put your body in the position of how you want them to be. Yeah. It's the easiest way to do it. I'm five, I'm five too. So they're usually like, that doesn't work like that for us. I'm like, get into this box. No, no, no. The shipping container, just get in there. Yeah. Just, just climb in. Exactly. There's a point where you have to show them yourself because words ain't doing the trick. Exactly. Exactly. Or words could do the trick, but you're, you're not a professional writer.

You're a professional image maker. Exactly. I'm really not a professional writer, but I'm just figuring it out as a, you know, I'm very in my body. So it's like not, it's my way of figuring it out exactly what I want it to look like. It's not that I have such a vision always right before, but the same thing with the clothes. Like a lot of times the people I work with, like I work with a lot of stylists who we end up dressing ourselves like before the shoot, the day before we.

Get in all the looks. We get in all the poses. We take photos. We have so many amazing photos on our phone of us both. Well, that's the fucking book. Why are you wasting our time with this shit? I know. Oh, Carol G. Okay, great. I want to see you in the Vivian Westwood. I know, I know. Well, I probably haven't. That's actually really funny. So you're saying you guys get together and basically have fun with it to figure out what it's going to be. Oh, my God. Yeah, I have full PDFs of me in every outfit and every prop that Miley wore.

in every position she's in. That's really funny. Even the magnifying glass thingy over the titties? Yeah, even that. If you're not going to get in the weeds, who will? It was foreshadowing for the phase I'm in, you know? Who made that weird thing she wore in that? The magnifying or that? No, like the top that's like white. Oh, that. That's something else. He's talking about the green fuzzy. I know we're talking about two different things. I'm talking about the white thing. I don't know who made the white romper. Yeah, but it's like a white romper with pointy titties.

Oh, no, but we put the pointy titties in there. Those are silicone. But you're saying that was, you did that. That was not part of the garment is what I'm saying. No, no, no. I thought it. Okay. I apologize. I thought that might've been part of the garment. No, no. We put those in. We brought those with us. Just like a man to assume, huh? Uh-huh. That is my bad. Assume that we didn't make the titties pointy. I don't speak on women's bodies like that. I apologize. Because I can't do that.

I apologize. I don't know what silicone is capable of, honestly, in 2025. I really like the Gwyneth photo where she's holding that big old crescent wrench. Yeah. It's nice and heavy. We brought her. We brought her up to Harlem to a test kitchen actually. And I had her with the wrench. I had her with like, I don't know. What is the big, the big jigsaw blade, a big circle blade. How long did you have? How long did you have a giant mixer? That's like the size of her. How long did you have GP?

That's big Hobart. Oh, we had it for quite, you mean hours wise. We actually had her for a decent amount of time. I can't remember, but it was like close to a full day. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. We didn't have like two hours or something. We had like. I can't remember exactly. Yeah, I feel like you're not really the two-hour type. It seems like you need as much time as you can have. I mean, I definitely have done it in 20 minutes. Sure. But I feel like it looks like this stuff is kind of labored over in a good way.

It feels like it's really thought out, so you don't want to rush it once you're there. Yeah, definitely not. I definitely don't like to not get something. I'm constantly begging a celebrity to stay. When Barack says you got 20 minutes, you're just like, all right, fuck it. We got 20 minutes. What am I supposed to do? Take the shirt off. Let's get it over with. I noticed that you use your family and your family's homes as locations for shoots a good amount. Does your Uncle Jay brag to his friends that like a supermodel?

you know sat on this couch where i watched the fucking hockey game or whatever like is it are you is your family like excited and stoked about it are they just like yeah they're they're they're just excited to have us over for the day because they like commotion you know they're like they're like oh i'm going to get the rotisserie chicken for you guys for lunch and what do you want to drink commotion is the perfect word for it no that's so jersey to like commotion What's all this commotion? What is all this commotion?

No, I mean, my grandmas have both passed away, but I've shot so many times in both of their houses. I've shot both of them. And they're sort of just like, this is what she does. Isn't it so fun? They don't ask any questions. No, they're just so... Like I can't, I don't know, maybe everyone's family's like this, but they're so all about us. They're just me and my sister and the kids are like. Yeah, I wouldn't say, I wouldn't say it's everybody's experience necessarily. But yeah, I know what you mean.

Like they're just happy to have you around. They don't care what you're doing. Yeah, and they're just like so excited to be helping me do something I really want to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so if that was already existing your whole life, your family's been helping you supportive of your freaky ass lifestyle and career choices. All that stuff. They just want to be a part of it. How much did that change as soon as you had a child? Well, so I already had a niece and a nephew. And so I feel like it's not as extreme because we already went through that with my sister.

oh my god the family was so much better immediately no more fighting it was like oh you guys don't care about us anymore you only care about these kids thank god we've we've diverted our attention away from you yeah people who don't have that yet when i talk to them i tell them i'm like oh my god you're gonna have a kid you're gonna see your whole family dynamics gonna get so much better i find because you because now you finally have something to do you look at a cute little kid run around play soccer what's my sister what's my sister my sister had Twins, I was no longer the Beyonce of the family.

I was the reigning king for decades, and then I was replaced. Exactly. Overnight, literally overnight. But that's how it should be. That's how it should be. That is the cycle of life. It's not about us anymore. That's the cycle of life, and I'm okay with that. Chris, you're cute, but you're no three-year-old version of you cute anymore. Definitely not. No, definitely not. Definitely not. All right, Brianna, thank you. Thank you. For joining us. on How Long Gone. We appreciate it. Thanks so much for having me. Sorry, I'm going to Arizona.

I'm going to miss the party, but I'm there in spirit. Oh, listen, you're not coming. Well, I got the book. Is Tim there now? I don't know if he came in, but we were saying he needs a cameo. I know. That's why I was asking if he was there. Just to say hi. You know what I mean? Just say hi. Also, can you let our listeners know what the shoe story is going to be? Oh, I'm wearing a Manolo with... two very thin straps that's really high and they're clear. So it looks like I don't have a shoe on.

So you could be busting out of those. There he is. What's up, bro? I got to elongate the legs. What's up? How are you? What's up, Chris? What up, Tim? You good? Tim's not going to say you've been a nightmare to deal with, but we'll talk off. We'll talk off. No, I've been an angel. We'll talk off. All right. Thank you. Good to see you guys. Congratulations. Thank you, guys. We'll see you soon. All right. Bye.